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User blog:SnickersDoge/TCMMDI - S1E1
The Crack Made Me Do It Dragonborn OPEN ON: London Eye Mysterious music plays, panning to some of the points of interests in London, until settling on a wide alley way with me in it. Me: Holy, I thought really hard and crack came out of my Mind Palace! Two young fellows approach me 1: Watcha got there? Me: Huh, I can make imaginary crack into reality. Here, hold this. Hands jar of crack. I feel for more crack in my pockets. 2: You got more? Police: Hey, police! The second penguin and I run away. Police: Freeze! Why do you have drugs? 1: Oh, I was just holding it for... points to where I disappeared. *sigh* Me: Your friend goin' to be OK? 2: I guess, he always finds himself a way out of situations. Me: That's good. Hey, I'll sell you some of my crack. It tastes good, according to how it tastes in my mind. 2: For how much? Me: Free. I'll give you a full jar. This is an infinity stock right here! I hand him a jar, and run off, not looking back. SHOW TITLES: The Crack Made Me Do It Sherlock - Stag Night plays while showing the main cast. The transitions between each character is smoke (kind of like Breaking Bad). In order of appearance in transitions: Emma Watson as Gracie, Benedict Cumberbatch as Poko, Chris Pratt as Charlie, Michele Knotz as May, Martin Freeman as John Watson, Aaron Paul as Helmet, Ted Sroka as Barnes, Lee Tockar as Wave Panda, Matt Smith as Jay, and other voices provided by Morgan Freeman. RETURN ON: Bomb Shop Me: Hello, I'd like to buy stuff... What is a human doing on Club Penguin island? (thinking) This crack sure is doing some trippy hallucinations! Barnes: I'm Barnes. I somehow washed up on the island's shore one morning. I set up a bomb shop much like this one in my own world. It keeps me from getting too homesick... Anyways, what do you want to buy? Me: Gunpowder. Barnes: I have just the thing... That'll be 15 rupees! Me: Rupees? How do you sell things here, Bill? No one here has rupees! Barnes: Oh, sorry, no one really buys anything, but a lot of people come in. They never offer to buy anything, and if they do, they leave useless coins in front of me and rush out before I can mention I don't accept coins... Me: What're you going to use rupees on on this island? Everyone only accepts coins. Barnes: Let's just stop arguing and~! *sigh* You can use something else as currency, maybe an item or two? Me: ...Expensive cookies? I get out a white jar and put it on the counter. Barnes (inspecting jar): Sure, fine, good day. Me: Good day to you too, Baron. I'll be back. Barnes: It's Barnes... I slam the door on accident. Barnes: I wonder if I can use these cookies to make a new type of bomb... Cookie bomb... The next day, I come back for more stuff. Me: Hey, you eat them cookies- Barnes: I made a bomb with them. But to preserve the freshness, I didn't open the jar of "cookies" until I would pour them into the bomb. When I did, I realized it wasn't cookies, but... Me: CRACK‽ Barnes: What are you doing secretly giving me drugs‽ Me: I'm so sor... Barnes: I wanted to make a cookie bomb, not a crack bomb! Me: Listen- Barnes: Never before have I been so wrong! I actually loved that I made a crack bomb, it was perfect! Me: Wait, you like it? Barnes: Of course! Thank you for this coincidence! Me: Do you want to become a Crackhead? Barnes: Of course, I created the exploding crack! By the way, where do you get this crack? Me: Oh, it comes out of my head. I thought so hard one day crack just popped out. I got an old friend to join my group, and my uncle and his friend help me make crack and other stuff. It's been a week since I formed this group, and four more people have joined! Barnes: Do you have a base? Me: We're startin' on one. We're lookin'. We think it should be somewhere near our biggest spot for business... CAMERA PANS TO: A field next to a Chocolate Factory May gestures to the factory. May: This pile of sweet smelling makin' has a bunch of penguins willin' to buy our crack! Watson and I usually sell the crack Poko and Gary and Gracie make us there, but I gotta warn ya, the owner isn't so proud of his workers buying our products. He almost threw boiling hot chocolate at us one time when we got caught! Barnes: I'm not familiar with your guys' ways, but maybe we could set up our hole here? Then we could just relocate if they find us, I'm sure there's others willing to buy our crack. Me: No, I went to my uncle, he claims Poko can foresee the future. I'm sure his visions are accurate, my uncle said he predicted that'd I form the Crackheads. He also saw that I could bring my crack out from my Mind Palace. He said this is our only hope of business, according to my uncle. Watson: I'm sorry for sounding like I've been living under a rock, but who's Poko again? I've never met him. Helmet: None of us have. Awkward silence. Wave Panda: Should we... Maybe try and meet Poko? I mean, we all know that he lives on top of the Misery mountain. Watson: That doesn't answer my question. Me: Right, he's Scorn's son. Lord of the dragons. He is an excellent chemist. After Gary befriended him, they sort of became lab partners. After revealing to my uncle that I could magically summon my own crack, he began helping me sell it, along with Poko that'd send some of his products from the top of Misery mountain. Watson: Why haven't I heard of Poko, if he's the lord of the dragons... The lord... May pats Watson on the back. May: Don't worry, I'm not from this world either. Barnes (whispering to me): I thought you said May was extremely crazy and a huge nutball. Me: That's only when she's exposed to crack, right now the last time I saw her snorting some of our crack was a day ago. Scary, actually, she usually takes ten snorts a minute, literally. Wave Panda: Well, we better start digging our hole, the sun's going down, and we don't want the chocolate factory owner to see us. Holiday for Strings plays. The Crackheads start with a small hole on a tiny hill all of them could fit through, then start digging under it to make multiple underground rooms. The biggest one was the entrance, where they'd just hang out and snort their drugs. The left entrance at the end of the room lead to the storage room, while the right one lead to their beds. Despite only being a shovel-dug hole, the finished hole is complete after about seven hours. Barnes: But it'll be all dusty and chalky with all the snorting and smoking...should we at least have two holes out of the den? Helmet quickly digs a hole in the bedroom. Helmet: Already done. Holiday for Strings stops. Me: That was a workout. Randomly snorts crack. Me: We better call it a night. May: I wonder how many ping pong balls would fit in here! Ping pong ball falls out of...Wave Panda's pocket(?) Wave Panda checks his pockets. A large, menacing shadow slowly pokes through the hole Helmet just dug. The ping pong ball didn't fall off of Wave Panda. It was Poko! Watson: Is that-! How did he-! Me: No, it's- Comedic zoom-in on the silhouette Dramatic Prairie Dog sound plays, Poko's face is illuminated by the lightning outside the hole. Watson: Huh, what's up with the ping pong balls? And why have you suddenly come, you never visit us in person. Poko: Foreseeing is quite a hobby of sightseeing! I saw you'd built a nice hole. Those ping pongs balls are my stole. Me: So you decide to show us what you look like once we have built our home. And, show us how many ping pong balls could fit in here. Poko slowly slithers in, and shakes. Ping pong balls fly everywhere from under his scales and wings. Helmet: Youza! May: Hey! Hisses Helmet: Uh-oh, she's been snorting her crack. She's crankier and crazier than a psychopath after a nap in the insane asylum! Poko: Keep her away from overdoses of crack. She shouldn't be doing it such like a snack! Barnes: So only us, not May, can snort crack normally? Poko: Yes. Success. Wave Panda to me: He rhymes everything he says. I wonder how he'd spare in a rap battle, it'd be just like saying normal sentences to Poko. I rolls her eyes. Poko raises his head, his eyes darting around the hole. Poko: It is fuzzy, but it has come into view. You're in trouble and it's not good, cheese fondue. Me: Oh yeah, he specializes in cheese making also. He loves cheese. Watson: Wait, we're in trouble? Is the Chocolate Factory owner coming? What will happen to us? Was making our base this close to the factory a really good idea? Poko: The owner, Charlie. He's planning gnarly. You've underestimated him. By the way, it's pretty grim and dim. Poko squints to try and make out everything in the dark hole. Helmet: Sorry, there's only one candle in each room. It's the Dark Ages, I guess. Watson: Why no lanterns or torches? Barnes: I HATE lanterns! Me: Uh, there's plently of trees outside for bark for torches. By the way, who's going to clean up the ping- Before she can finish, Poko engulfs the entire hole with flames. Despite the heat, the Crackheads are fine. May: What in the hell‽ Poko: Old magic. Not tragic. The whole entire pit is suddenly cleansed of all the ping pong balls and lit up with torches. Poko: That's all. Don't brawl. You are in danger. All of you rangers. Take my word. Don't be heard. Me: Wait, Poko, you clearly have been keeping hidden from us for a reason. So I suspect this situation is extreme if you've decided to come out and talk to us in person for this. Wait, didn't you foresee that this was our only chance of business? Why should we- Poko ignores her, whirling out of the pit like an oncoming storm. Helmet: Oh, dear, now that I think about it, what if Charlie is planning the worse on us? Me: If he doesn't like crack, fine, but we must stand for what makes us friends. We just can't let one guy break us apart, make us stop our new living. Wave Panda: Crack everywhere, friends forever! CAMERA PANS TO: Chocolate Factory, Charlie's office Jay: Well, I guess there's only one logical option. Charlie: Right. Order me 12 sticks of dynamite at once. Jay: Righ- wait, what?! Charlie: I need these crack dealers out of my factory. I can't allow my workers to be high on the job. Speaking of my workers, I should do something about the ones that're buying the crack. Jay: Don't tell me- Charlie: Make them fill out their job applications again. And read all of it, I'm sure most of them didn't read all the rules. It's four pages. Jay: But, we don't know which workers have bought the crack. Charlie: We'll find out. I mean, it can't be hard. Jay: You need dynamite... To blow up the crack dealers' base? Charlie: Exactly. Jay: Well, can't that be charged as murder? Charlie: Not if they're doing illegal business. Jay: Charles, crack was deemed legal in all of Europe last year. Charlie: What? Jay: Recent studies from scientists have found out crack can't kill you, it just gives you hallucinations and craziness. Charlie: Still, I don't like those crack dealers, nor crack itself. I don't want my chocolate business to have red herrings! I need my chocolate making to be solid and straight-forward, no crack breaks from those sneaky dealers. No more secret buying. Jay, we need more security guards and camera watchers. Jay: Um, sure... But I can't just kidnap people off the streets to work for us. Plus, if I take any of the factory workers that make the chocolate to be guards, then we'll need more factory workers. Charlie: Advertise, then. We have a website, right? Make ads and posters for it. Put the address of our factory on them. We haven't time. ROLL CREDITS: Sherlock theme plays VOICE CAST GRACIE SOMERVILLE: EMMA WATSON WAVE PANDA: LEE TOCKAR BARNES: TED SROKA MAY: MICHELE KNOTZ JOHN WATSON: MARTIN FREEMAN HELMET: AARON PAUL POKO: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH JAY: MATT SMITH CHARLIE: CHRIS PRATT A BAC PRODUCTION :FINAL FADE OUT ---- Not a lot of changes, just the beginning, and two voice actors. Next Sunday (or this Sunday, since I decided to release this early), I will release the roleplay for the second episode on the new TCMMDI forum. See you there! http://images.wikia.com/awesome-dogkid/images/4/48/Bacr.png Category:Blog posts